Wednesday, September 14, 2005

(S)he died while (s)he was living...

At times I marvel at my own ability to live through it all; is it all worth the while? Or is it just whiling away awhile? Why bother? And then again, why not bother? Is it worth the bother, then? How much? How less? And why?
Questions, all unanswered. Tasks all undone. Time racing by and yet stagnating, suffocating in its slow pace. What is time? Does it limit me? Threaten me? Is there a deadline? Who set it for me? It wasn't me, was it?
A blank wall before me, painted ugly messages. I bang my head against it?
Past is a way out from the present mire? Is past not glossed over for just the good times? Was there no bad bout in the past? Would today be looked over as good tomorrow? Is is getting worse by the day, by the hour and second? Is there no future to look forward to? Are dreams to be abandoned? Is it a nightmare or am I living it all? Where am I? What am I upto? What is it all about? And worth it all? Really? What is reality? And what is that I want? Really? What is that I have missed? What is that I now regret? Worth a pine? Did I live through it? How? Will I live through this? Really? Will I live through that? Why?
Honestly, I don't know. But should I?
All I am certain of is my own uncertainty. And that it is not that time of the month for me to get in this mood.
Everything and anything and nothing bothers me. Why should it? Do I really know? Or care?
I just live. And marvel at how I do it.

4 comments:

Midnight Express said...

Life is such that you cannot predict the future. we are human and the best thing about being human is that we have the ability to make mistakes. however we should never regret the things that we do, its our past mistakes that make us who we are today and prepare us for the future.

Epoppie said...

Only one aspect of our journey is certain...and that is death. So long as we remember who we are and why we're here...and so long as work towards the life after death...we will succeed, inshaAllah.

Saadat said...

There comes a time in everyone's lives when these question start bombarding the mind (or heart - depends on what the medium of thinking is), and thoughts like these are bound to come. I would like to say, however, that you expressed yourself beautifully.

As for 'knowing' about everything, sometimes it's better to just 'believe'. And yep, I also agree with what Midnight Express has said.

And come on, cheer up! :)

A said...

MExpress: Thanks, but it's not my past mistakes htat get me into such a mood, really.
Poppie: InshaAllah is what I think about most of the times...what is His will?
Saadat: I wish it had been as easy cheering up.

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