Monday, April 26, 2010
Posted by A is: at 11:40 PM
Monday, December 07, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
It's well past 1 in the morning and I have:
Gritty eyes and locked jaws, I have lived through all of today/yesterday on just two hours of sleep.
Gritty eyes and locked jaws, I have lived through all of today/yesterday on just two hours of sleep.
A pile of dirty dishes waiting to be washed in the kitchen sink.
The kitchen in a state of mess, all visible surfaces covered with stuff to be cleared away
Groceries to be put away
Two of my son’s feeding bottles and his sippy cup to be washed and sterilized
All the sofa cushions on the living room floor
Two towels as throws on each sofa
Two plastic blocks and toy train carriage on the floor
Three photo frames thrown on the floor near their perch on the bookshelf
A kiddie hanger, a football, a drumstick, a drum and another soft ball and assorted play things littered around the living room, making a mini obstacle course
My husband locked in the bedroom asleep
My cell phone kicked somewhere under the sofa
And unwashed face
A ‘ctrl’ key missing from the laptop keyboard
The tv and receiver remote controls being shoved into my hands that I switch on the telly to Dragon Tales/Oggy and the Cockroaches/Dora the Explorer/Charlie and Lola/Arthur/Tweenies…
I have my son, the fount of all late night hullabaloo, babbling away, banging on the bedroom door, dragging open drawers and emptying them, hit his face on my hand and cry murder ‘cuz it hurt him so much,
fighting with me over the laptop, climbing on the sofa and over me to reach the keys and type his own entry, crawling through the coffee table …
I tried and failed putting him to bed at his usual time, then hummings and rocking, pleadings and cajoling and even threats and well placed thwacks on the diaper-ed bum went unsuccessful, so living room lights ablaze I wait for Tyke to get realize that all those yawns mean that he is sleepy and the normal course of action when one is so tired, is to get some rest, sleep…as in lie down, close the eyes, breathe evenly and deeply…
I should be mad at him and I was, till I looked at him lying on the floor and giving me the most beaming of smiles soonest he catches my eye…ah well...he's now trying to rest his head on my lap to sleep...ooooooh, sweet dreams!
Posted by A is: at 12:59 AM
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Towards the end of 2004, when I was still in AE, FKhala and Khalo went for Umrah and stopped over for visiting me in Dubai on return. Next year they went for another Umrah, but this time with all four of their kids. Next PJ, CJ and CJee went on the pilgrimage with their four kids. And finally Nanajan, Nanijan and N & N khalas went for Umrah too. I was still gloriously and contentedly single at the time…my younger sister had gotten engaged in the summer of 2004. The pressure on me to get hooked was tremendous, but of course I could not be paired off with the first XY bearing homo sapiens that was to walk past our house at the crack of dawn… I know of at least six of the above-mentioned, who’d confirmedly prayed that Allah send me a prince. ;)
Till the summer of 2006, there was no Z in the picture, then Waj was hormone-driven, expecting her first baby and decided I could not be left alone anymore…Z was her husband’s friend and also single…a good match, she figured…or her hormones decreed. She called me up and always the ace salesperson, made a very impressive pitch for Z…she got so persistent with this paragon of perfection that I had to tell her to talk to my parents, just to get her off my back. And also because my family had to make the decision for me. All the rest was a blur, within two months I was engaged to be married in six months.
At my last job, when the word got around about the engagement, a colleague came by to congratulate me and on learning that Z was Sharjah based, reminded me how I always preferred Sharjah to Dubai. He was right. Then we learned that Z had applied for Canadian immigration and Ma again reminded me of my intentions to immigrate to Canada after Sis got married…then there was the matter that all my family…all eight plus one of them, were completely, absolutely, unequivocally in love with him. They each had their test and Z passed each with aplomb. My sole criterion for marrying was that the person should be liked and respected by everyone. Z was that person. In fact he came across as such a perfect person that I had my doubts…how could anyone be that good? I asked my friend and N told me that I was a nut-case.
Two years after marriage and a Tyke later, we’re now going for an Umrah ourselves. I think it is the most appropriate, all those prayers that I’d had are now true…So Allah decided that I had to visit his places and thank Him in person. With Z by my side and Saif in my arms, I will thank Him, the most Beneficient the most Merciful, and pray that He grants the best to everyone in this life and the Hereafter.
I’m not saying my life now is a fairy tale, far from it…but each day, there are times when I know I am truly blessed, and each step of this journey will be to thank Allah for his mercies and bounties.
Friday, March 20, 2009
My living room is an obstacle course. Everything that can be reached on tip-toes has to be brought down to add to his collection as he toddles around. Welcome to Tykesville, the little darling is asleep now and how! I had to walk him to sleep, then rock him a bit, just as I bent on the bed to put him down, he sensed abandonment and started crying. Then another round of walking, rocking and another failed attempt at putting him down. Third time lucky and now he's cutely tucked in bed. Nothing in the world can be as angelic as Tyke in repose, but such moments are rare...and Alhamdulillah, getting increasingly rare.
Last year, exactly a year ago, I was an over- tired, perpetually sleep deprived, super-achey new mom. And the Tyke slept at least 20 hours a day, literally in the day, come night time he woke up crying and proceeded with it for at least an hour or whatever time it took me to forget sleep and get alert and active to attend on him, long after he'd slept back. My sister told me it would be difficult in the first few day, it was terrible, then the first ten days passed by and I'd gotten somewhat used to erratic waking-ups. When a new born cries in the middle of the night, the whole house may wake up, but it would do no good, 'cuz what it wants is his Ma, and nothing but Ma can attend on his needs, dietary or diapery! So after ten days, the moment Tyke slept, I went into deep slumber too. It was a relief, those two hours of undisturbed sleep. My days and nights were spent tryingto figure out a pattern/routine that the Tyke followed. of course there was none, how can a tiny being, just arrived in this world, faced with all those alien, lod, scary sounds, possibly keep up with staying peaceful? In a month I only figured out that he fed at two hours, on the dot, and that I could ONLY sleep when he was sound asleep. This holds true even today, I may be ready to drop dead but if the Tyke is as little as stirring in his sleep, I can't close my eyes and rest in oblivion, simply can't. Once I figured out that he needed feedings every two hours, I started getting up before he did, sometimes I got up and fed him without his even realising the he was hungry. I felt good, useful...and at those times of the night, as if I'd accomplished something, blessed. Those were the days that I was glad that Z was by my side through-out, he was with me during the painful show and he was forever warning me to be strong and not get into depression and not fear that we won't be able to take care of the blessing Allah had given us. And there were days when I hated him, for sleeping through out Tyke late-night crying sessions. Z snores when he's tired and in those early days, he snored like a truck, long after Tyke was asleep, his Ba's snores would keep me awake and I had to get up and go across the room to tell him to sleep on his side! Then try sleeping again...till Tyke's next feeding time came and I managed only half an hour's sleep!
Z and my Ma were around for the first two months of Tyke's arrival, so I had to household to look after at all. They did the cooking, cleaning up, and general worrying about. My worry and sole job, they said, was to take care of Tyke. They even took care of his diaper changes and baths and joyously presented their services to play with him while I napped. I couln't sleep without him by my side. The best I managed was a shut-eye rest.
Cut to a year later. Tyke sleeps most part of the night, only getting up crying for his feedings, and naps twice a day. The rest of te time is spent toddling around, treasuring his favourite things in an unaccessible corner. He will throw, edge, push, catapult things he likes in that corner behind the TV console, where wires snake around, with the amplifier wedged between the console and the side table. Instead of now asking him where he's put the TV remotes, we now go to the corner and find stuff. Just last night, after I put him to sleep, I retrieved his feeding bottle, his Ba's cell phone, two remotes, his wooden stacking tower and the centre piece of my rolling pin , his changing pad and a spoon from his treasure chest. I no longer rush to bed when he's asleep. Instead that's the welcome time that I spend with the laptop, catching up on facebook, browsing recipes and videos on youtube, going through his albums from day one. I can never tire of seeing his pictures and videos from the time he was born, marvelling at how quick time has passed, which while it was passing, seemed like an eternity. But a he's a year old now, and fast becoming a little man with clear likes and dislikes....and when it comes to him, I clearly am in deep deep waters! I wanted to kind of encapsulate his year, from infancy to toddlerhood, and I ramble.
At two months Tyke started getting aware of his hands...he loved his time in his gym staring at the toys hanging from the bar. Sometimes I positioned him so that he could reach out and hit the hippo...the first time he did it, he was surprised, his mouth was a perfect, kissable O, then he did it again, but it was some days later that he got to regard his hand and part of his being. Then he started trying to roll over...and completed his first turn at three months. Oh the joy, the excitement we had at the feat! I put te video camera on and left it just in case he decided to roll over while I was in teh kitchen. I think I have hours of video, with him in his gym, just waving his little limbs. Then came the belly crawl...no wait, before that he'd perfected his 360 turns on his belly. He put him down on his back and he'd flip over, then place his hands in the direction he wanted to gaze at and wiggle his bum...voila, a change of views! He was mobile then, with his belly/bum wiggle. At six months he was crawling on his belly, slowly at first and then the perfect targeted crawl of a commando. Again there was much rejoicing (what can we do, us two perfectly boring people, confined in a one bedder with a little child?). At seven and half months Tyke was trying to get on his knees and crawl with his belly raised comfortably off the ground, he was also trying to stay sitting up for some time, but then the temptation to move and do some mischielf overcame hsi desire to stay seated and he'd flib on his tums again. We were in lahore at the time, with Tyke's Dado and Dadi and Chachoos and Chachis. He'd also found a new love...the walker...it enabled him to run and get things!
He's awake now, more later!
Posted by A is: at 12:12 AM
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Z has a knack for saying and doing just the very things that tick me off, of course it helps that my moods are highly volatile and of late I find myself instantaneously combustible (all credit to Z again).
Situation 1: I'm frenetically packing for our weekend trip to RAK while Z lounges with the laptop. This, in Z's books is giving me space!
Z: Keep a nail cutter and file in the bag.
Me: Why? Didn’t you cut your nails at work, you took these things with you to office.
Z: I was busy.
Me: Heavens forbid, were you actually working at work today?!
Z: I was uploading pics on face book!
Situation 2: Driving to RAK (I’ve to keep up a constant and annoyingly inane chatter to make sure Z stays awake, he’s been known to fall asleep at the wheel, driving on the highway at 120 kph!) Z and I’ve decided that a woman can either be brainy or beautiful (I did say inane).
Me: So which of the two am I? (I’m smug and cackling with glee that an answer either way would mean a neat fight lasting the weekend)
Z: I thought I was marrying a brainy woman!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I'm alive and doing well, as well as the mother of a teething Tyke should be doing, for those 0.00001 occasional reader(s) who still harbor hopes of some new material on this blog...
The thing is, my life has become so mundane and mommy-like that blog as I would want to about it, I have second thoughts, I mean why would anyone be interested in Tyke's doings and cooings that my life is all about now? I can't talk if there is no audience, there is no one to listen to. Also I can't repeat my stories, so I've told Abu Tyke all that Tyke has done in the day, for me, the story's been told and even a passing mention here would be a repetition and oh sooo not me.
But there should be something in my life....anything...taking stock...no, there is nothing.
I still manage to give vent to my crazy verbosity cuz an old friend talked me into a monthly column out of me for her magazine...and poor thing has to yank her hair out every month as copy closing time approaches cuz I am usually AWOL. When I finally promise her to send her the article by the evening or next day (or two days later) and sit down, I amaze myself by the drivel I'm still capable of creating...inanities just shoot off my fingers and materialise before my eyes into a 900 word piece of fantasy that's sheer genius. So I'm me post Tyke...l but it comes out in te time of need, like Clark Kent/SuperMan.
Posted by A is: at 11:17 PM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Yaad e maazi azab hai ya rab,
Chheen le mujh se hafza mera
Three in the morning is an abysmally dejecting time, the wisest course of action, if you happen to wake at this unfortunate hour, is to turn on your side and go right back to slumber land. Not tonight. As I woke up at three to feed the Tyke I could not go back to sleep, partly because my back was shooting painful needles of discomfort up and down my spine and there was not one comfortable position to try and lie in, much less attempt sleep. Then there was the matter of a trip down memory lane…and wondering what if…it took better part of the next hour and half till I gave up on sleep altogether and came out to sit and struggle to string together my thoughts.. Write down and get those nagging self doubts out in the open to air-dry and die a natural death!
Once upon a time in the land of pure and plenty, there was a girl who had it all. And then she gladly gave it all up to get married and have Tyke. Yes, that pretty much sums up her life. She still has it all, only the ‘all’ has changed altogether.
The alarm still rings early in the mornings, but now she wakes up to fix breakfast for her husband. Once he’s been seen off to work the day takes a semi-start as the Tyke wakes up and has to be fed, changed and put back to nap till late morning. The nap over Tyke demands that he be changed again, has his breakfast, plays a while and then has to be bathed and put back to sleep again, a set of tasks that go into early after-noon. If lucky the girl manages to squeeze in some breakfast, else she has to wait and have a hurriedly fixed brunch. Whoever said anything about leisurely brunches was never in Tykesville. Post brunch is going about the house, gathering things, cleaning up, endeavoring a semblance of order and cleanliness, take a shot at cooking…trying in vain to be a picture of domesticity. Old habits die hard though and there are few breaks clocked on the laptop, browning and surfing, logging onto facebook and conducting social life online. Time that has her guilt-ridden. Then as the sun sets in, hubby comes home and takes over the Tyke and she withdraws into the kitchen and fixes dinner. Post dinner is another hour putting the Tyke to sleep, then an hour of cleaning up the kitchen and finally to bed. The times change but the drill stays in place. The girl of course is me and such a sham to be labelled a girl, I am now a certifiably over-weight matronly auntie.
Two years ago, I had a career, a social and family life I was entirely pleased with. I was the cat who was content with all the cream. And yet I complained f monotony, of going back to work each morning, and coming home to dinner, TV and sleep. But I mastered my own life and time. There were outings and shopping trips, there was not a sale in town I did not pay a visit to with friends and family. Dressing up was a seriously taken affair. I had shoes, bags, scarves and dresses; putting the right ‘look’ together was such a delightful, fulfilling task. Women, I think or at least my experience says so, dress up not to show off , but to get a sense of satisfaction themselves; that they are presenting the best and most collected face to the world. If they carry themselves with an elan that others mistake for a jaunty flaunt, tough luck.
I’ve been thinking and comparing my past life to my present more often now. And it strikes me most unexpectedly…like three in the morning. I look back to a wonderful day I’d spent with W and A, my ex-boss who’d come for a visit. I took off from work, W played hookie and we cruised DCC, shopping for shoes and bags, lunching at Ikea and talking. After we’d left A back at her hotel, W and I had gone to another mall. I still have pictures of that day somewhere at Ma’s place back in Karachi. All tit-bits of that past life, come to think of it, are stowed away in Karachi. All I carried with me when I got married last year was vague vestiges of these memories and hopes for the future.
Those hopes now lie by my side in the angelic face of the Tyke. As the grayish dawn light breaks into my dark living room, I first think that I will lie on the couch and try to sleep till the alarm rings off signaling the start of another day. Then I realize that I won’t be able to manage a wink. ‘cuz when I turn to my side, there would be no tiny little face rising out of a blue blanket to greet my sight. And then the Tyke smiles in his sleep and it washes away everything, all the bleak comparisons that kept me awake. He’ll wake up soon and flash his gummy grin at me…after that look of utter adoration that he has for me alone…followed by his adorable coos and squeals. What’s another diaper change and a slummy existence?
Dawn has broken the gloom, things are looking up and now I have to get back to be at my son’s side when he wakes up. He's not at all what I'd hoped for...he's better than anything I could've wished for myself. As I said earlier, I still am blessed with all. Just that 'all' has changed.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Tyke has marked me as the perfect target for all his bodily ejections. I can’t claim a fresh change of clothes for more than ten minutes. Soonest I change, the Tyke will have to be fed, changed, put to sleep etc. and he will lay claim to his mom in the only way he knows…a smelly release from his teeny tiny orifices or a vile missile at nappy changing time. As long as I smell like he does, he knows where his mom is.
The Tyke is a spoilt brat now. His grandmas were here for nearly two months, he’s of course marked them as his own in the only way he knows, targeting his shots at them, and the grandmas cuddled him into believing that he ruled supreme. He does in a way, he’s taken over the entire house and dictates my routine. Nano talked to him all the time, the Tyke expects non-stop chatter during his waking hours, he may or not deign to reply. He was massaged and bathed daily and he lorded in his little bath-tub. When Nano left he was restless for two days till we figured he was fussy for a massage and bath.
Dado cuddled and rocked the Tyke deep into sleep, he held her dupatta, shirt, chain, anything he could grab and fisted it tight. Only deep in sleep his hold could get lax enough to release Dado and then he would be put down to bed.
The bed, Nano got him a velvety bedding set. We tried putting him to sleep on the living room sofa so that he was before everyone’s eyes but he started getting restless again…and then his Dado figured out that he found the sofa hard and wanted to sleep on his soft bed. Now his velvety bed goes where he goes, sleep or play, the Prince.
Nano left and Dada came for another round of pampering. The Tyke made sure his grandpa would not sit idle, literally. The Tyke expects, nay, demands that he be picked up and walked around.
More later, my allotted 45 minutes of rest have signaled a crying end.
The Tyke is awake and demanding my ministrations