Hand it to me for being the mistress of trite. I’d thought of titling this post as Oops! I did it again…simply because I missed out on the day this blog completed three years. Three years and as disappearing acts. And no title to this post. Yet.

Anyways, there was a book fair in town and can it be in anyway that I not visit it?

I did of course, but it was such a quick, hurried and harried visit that I could not buy as if there was no tomorrow, which there wasn’t as I’d gone there on the last day. It was however heartening to see so many Karachi’ites turn up at the Expo Centre. Mean bro said it was mostly sight-see-ers, and I was adamant I saw a shopping bag in each visitors hand. True to his being mean, he said people usually collect brochures and pamphlets from such fairs. 'How can you be sure it was freebies, besides I saw and got none,' I made an attempt at winning the argument. 'How can you be sure they did actually buy books,' pat came the reply, 'besides it was such a crowded affair people could have taken an empty shopping bag and stuffed it with stuff unnoticed.' Such optimism, what can I say?

Back to what I bought. I got Raageh Omar’s Revolution Day for S. Edward Said’s Out of Place, Orhan Pamuk’s Snow, Anita Desai’s Voices in the City and Edward deBono’s I am Right, You are Wrong. I soo looked forward to replenishing my supply of chick-lit with The Devil Wears Prada but it was selling like hot cakes and wasn’t available at the time. So, I got meself no chick-lit.

Some days back I had discovered the Bargain Basement at Liberty Books. I go crazy every time I go there, which is frequent, considering it’s just a PKR 20 + 20 rickshaw ride away. And then I deposit my latest accumulations at work or plead a colleague to take it with them, collect it the next day and smuggle my horde home, book by book, trying to ward off Mom’s wrath.

I email myself links and neatly organize them all in a separate folder marked ‘Reads’. My desktop is pock-marked with .pdf files which are various other downloaded reads. I book mark webpages into folders in hopes of making good use of them all one day.

I should either hibernate away in winters, mild as they are in Karachi, or there should be more hours to a day. Or I could simply do with trying to be more organised, methodical and all that boring stuff. Yawn.

The Anglo-Saxons had some real brutal ways of punishment. One of them being to tie up the limbs of an accused and weighing him down with a stone and then throwing him in water. If he managed to stay afloat, it was assumed he was guilty, fished out of water and boiled in oil. If he drowned, well, he was innocent and could not summon all those evil powers to rescue him. The dead body was then taken out and given a proper burial.

One of Aesop’s fables is about an old man and his son taking their donkey to the market. Trying to appease all people they meet on their way to the market-place, they end up tying the donkey to a pole, the end result being that the poor ass manages to break free and drown himself conveniently in the river they were crossing. I am that donkey. I am a lot of things at the moment. I just hope I remember what frame of mind I am in these days to prompt such a gruesome re-telling.

It says something for the sorry affairs you have landed yourself in, doesn’t it, when your inbox announces new emails in excess of ten and all of them useless updates from sites you are not even remotely interested in, not now anymore. Nothing at all from people you once thought you can’t live without. Well, you can and are. So there.

What else was there I wanted to kvetch about? Laters. Then.

two past four

It kicked off with The Soliloquist, and I poured out all my thoughts onto this blog. Then came The Soliloquist's Kvetch-log/K-log and entries did justice to the name, all whining and kvetchings and cathartic typed outbursts. And then was Spiralling into Silence. So it's this silence on this blog that is now deafening, maddening. Makes me mad at least. Even the picture gives the impression of an abandoned spot...perhaps I wanted to make it cozier and went to fetch a cushion and forgot coming back? Duniya ne teri yaad se begaana ker diya/Tujh se bhi dilfareb hain ghum rozgaar ke.
Of all things I could write/blog about, nothing makes it past the confines of a random arrangement of cells I have tightly packed in my cranium. Excess of grey matter, or so I hope.
I have a whole list of things/projects that need to be done. Papier mache, decoupage, feng shui, paper making, trips to the tailor, readings, writings...So.
Saw Taj Mahal last night. The cable operator had put on a bootlegged DVD for our consumption. Trash, absolute trash, kitsch. Apart from Sonia Jehan, Noorjehan's grand daughter, there was nothing in teh movie to live up its hype. and Sonia was saved by her radiant complexion. her beauty is too bland. what irked me no end was Kim Sharma's antics as Ladli Begum. Puhlease, mughal ladies, especially princesses and Queen wannabes were not sluts! They did not pout or over-work their facial muscles. they did not have such way-below average faces. The only reason she bags a role in any acting project is becuase she prefers near-none clothing; in a role where she had to be properly, royally attired and present just a face for public consumption (ahem) she falls flat on her flat face! Pooja Batra as NoorJehan? Give me a huge break, in fact go break the producer, director and publicist's legs. What were they thinking? Zulfi as Prince Khurram...what a yawn and shame. What a waste of a good hour and half; i could not watch any more than that. Treatment, sets, acting, all, everything was banal, below average.

I realise I have a lot of tags to take up. For now I tagged myself from SE's blog and here goes:

. p . e . r .s . o . n . a . l .
-name: A. K
-birthday: mid October, last millennium, am that old.
-siblings: enough
-shoe size: varies, could be anything between a midget 5 to a huge 7.
-height: about average. Ranges between 5 4 and 5 5.

. r . e . l . a . t . i . o . n . s . h . i . p . s .
-who are your best or really close friends? It would be mean to say keep changing, so erm…my absolutely closest friend has to be M, me ikloti sis. The best part about having your sis as your best friend is that you never have to look an inch beyond the room in times of need. Next in line would be Mom, much as I want to, I simply can’t keep anything from her, and Pa, by proxy, except for my bank and credit cards statements…trailing close by would be my band of crack-pot brothers. There’s nothing like them in the whole world. In the usual friend sense, W and Bhai would top the list, in order of recency, then there would be N and A, going back it would be S and U and a decade ago it was T, R and R. B would also be listed, considering we’ve been friends since day one, my day one in this world, she’s a cousin nine months older than me. Does it say what I think it says?

-do you have a boyfriend/spouse: Is none an option? It should be, by choice.

f. a . s . h . i . o . n . s . t . u . f . f .
-where is your favorite place to shop: Too many to list. But I would rate the weekend, Chatuchuk Market in Bangkok as top of my list.

s . p . e . c . i . f . i . c . s .
-what kind of shampoo do you use?: Anything that suits fine to nearly non-existent hair
-what are you most scared of?: Failure
-who is the last person that called you?: A colleague
-where do you want to get married?: Hmm, now this is tricky…I have to agree to get married and then specify a place, right? Or can I do a Runaway Bride? In that case I would have a long list of places I’d like to get married at and not.
-how many buddies are online right now?: Know what, I am not online myself. IM is not instant enough for me. I’d rather call.
-what would you change about yourself?: I am happy the way I am. Well, most of the times, and if I would want to change anything about myself, this is not the place I’d be listing ‘em all!

f . a . v . o . r . i . t . e . s .
-color: mauves and lavenders and lilacs and pastels, and rose pinks…a pale palette.
-food: Anything with chocolate, and sheesh tawook, and French fries.
-subjects in school: English and Urdu, though I was equally good at all subjects. Yeah, comes with being a straight A student. How boring is that?
-hobbies: Not having a hobby counts? I think, a lot. And laze about, and when in mood, yak and yak and yak. At times I read.

h . a . v . e . y . o . u . e . v . e . r .
-given anyone a bath?: yeah, loved playing mom to a host of li’l cousins. Needless to say, real moms loved our juvenile ministrations. Child labour, now that I think of it.
-smoked: Oh yeah, smoked and quit. All in three days, how grown-up is that?
-bungee jumped?: want to, bad.
-ever been in love?: Oh yeah, so many times, lost count of it. That bag, those shoes, that mascara, that rouge!
-made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: nyah, too childish. Never been a child enough to cry except when was a child and did cry.
-cried when someone died?: yeah.
-lied: Wish I could, but I am cursed. Even a blind bat can tell when I make an attempt at lying. So I chicken out. It’s a skill all rusty not being used.
-used someone?: as in manipulate, of course, what decent woman worth her heels hasn’t? *bats eyes*

. c . u . r . r . e . n . t .
-music: Yar ko hum ne ja baja dekha (Abida Parveen)
-make-up: These days, tinted SPF moisturizer, rouge, clear mascara and gloss are staple. I skip a proper breakfast in the mornings to slather all that on the limited amount of surface area made available to me for the prupose. Dress up with eye shades. Love make up!
-annoyance: Ah, too many to list. But I hate, loathe, abhor repetitions. Urghhh!
-desktop picture: It’s a wonderful sun rising over a cloudy Dubai skyline. Can’t believe I was ever up that early to get such a picture.
-book you're reading: Now and Then by Joseph Heller, Miranmar by Naguib Mahfouz and Zen Attitude by Sujata Massey.
-in cd player: Lemme see. Dang! It’s jammed because of no-use.
-in DVD player: *yawn*

l . a . s . t . p . e . r . s . o . n .
-you hugged: A colleague, it was her b’day.
-you yelled at: Bro.
-who yelled at you: Bro, he can’t take my nakhras early in the morning.

. a . r . e . y . o . u .
-understanding: Oh yeah, or such is the impression I want others to have;)
-open-minded: A bit too much. It’s more of an open plan mind that I have.
-insecure: Should I be? Why? Who are you? Why you asking such questions? *Mommmee*
-interesting: Yes, very. Stay away!
-hungry: Mine is more specific hunger. SO I’d be hungry for a sandwich or chocolate cookies and so on.
-smart: Oversmart.
-moody: Could be.
-hard working: Depends.
-organized: I wish!
-healthy with eating: *burp*
-shy: No b way!! *blushes*
-difficult: Depends, there are a whole lot of things I would not compromise on.
-attractive: Depends on my mood, I can manage to look anything I like.
-bored easily: *yawn* next question please.
-messy: now that would be understatement. I live in an organized clutter, Feng Shui can take my chi right out the window in my relationship corner, mind it doesn’t trip over the stack of laundered clothes I would get round to putting back in my wardrobe one of these days.
-obsessed: About forgetting. I live to make it a point to remember something and conveniently, religiously forget it.

. r . a . n . d . o . m .
-in the morning i am: sleepy and cranky
-love is: over abused, over stated and a whole lot of overs.
-i dream about: getting some more sleep *yawn*

. o . p . p . o . s . i . t . e . s . e . x .
-what do you notice first: Hair line, eyes and nose. I hate it when men have such perfect noses and skins and glorious hair. What's the point? It's wasted on them anyways.
-makes you laugh the most: Sitting down with me siblings and making fun of each other, making fun of anyone. Such sessions crack me up.
-makes you smile: Me crazy family and their antics and time out with friends. Actually I smile, a lot. Very indiscriminatory smile. And considering the crooked set of dentures I have, mean bro insists I have some cheek to do that.
-who do you have a crush on: Right now, I have this huge crush on Hugh Glendenning, a character in Zen Attitude. Think I can find a real life version, in erm, real life?
-who has a crush on you: Now that should be interesting. I think all the neighborhood cats have a huge crush on me. Nothing keeps them from serenading at my window come night time, not even random shoes and rocks to shoo them away.

. d . o . y . o u . e . v . e . r .
-sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Never been online when I could be sleeping!
-wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Eww! No wait, I do envy guys with good hair and noses and skins, is that the same as I wishing I was them? *thinks* Seriously, there are times when I think men have it easy, ludicrously easy, criminally easy...so, yeah...
-wish you were younger: Not really.
-cried because someone said something mean to you?: No. Not that I can think of.

.n . u . m . b . e . r .
-of times i have had my heart broken: can I go in minuses?
-of hearts i have broken: Limbs, all those cats and the projectiles they face in their catty efforts to woo me…
-of tight friends: 4, I think
-of cds i own: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

. f . i . n . a . l . q . u . e . s . t . i . o . n . s .
-do you like filling these out?: why else did I take it up?
-gold or silver: gold plated silver suits me fine.
-what was the last film you saw at the movies? Koi Tujh Sa Kahan
-favorite cartoon/anime? I remember this anime that used to come on Star Plus way back in 1993-4, and Muppet Babies, and Captain Planet…
-what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Was in a rush, just a cup of tea. Skipped breakfast in favor of an exact seven minutes layering on me face.
-who would you love being locked in a room with?: Books, lots and lots of them, and a DVD player and loads of movies. I can live by proxy, right?
-could you live without your computer?: I have lived without a PC and survived, so yeah. -would you color your hair?: Chemicals not allowed, but I do dye my hair with henna, love that shade of red.
-could you ever get off the computer?: No problemo.
-habla espanol? Nyah.
-how many people are on your buddy list?: somewhere between 25~30.


HAVE YOU EVER..?
-Missed school because it was raining: bunked classes, yes, requested teachers to let us off, yes, request friends’ teachers to let them off yes. Rain does that to me, it must be criminal to stay indoors when it rains.
-Put a body part on fire for amusement: Now that’s an idea. Whose body part could it be?

-Kept a secret from everyone: No. If all people I know get together, they would have all my life before them. Almost.
-cried during a movie: Nah! teary-eyed at the most, but not actually cried.
-been on stage: too many times to list…and I hate mikes, I mean I can be loud enough but hate hearing my own voice jeering at me from the sound system.
-Been sarcastic?: aha! *raises eyebrow* 'One of these days your eyebrows would refuse to come down', so says mean bro, meanly.

FAVOURITES
Movie: E.T.
Ice Cream: *drools* gimme all!
Person: hmm, family and friends? All of them, yes.

FRIENDS AND LIFE
-Do you have a soul mate?: and that means?
-Who have u known the longest of your friends: B, she’s been my friend since me birthday, and she’s still around. That we don’t talk or see each other much is another story.
-Who's the loudest: B and W would tie for that one!
-Who has seen you cry: B, but that’s only because she’s been around for ever.
-What is/are the best feeling(s) in the world?: Feeling sleepy and hitting the bed!
Being driven around. Time out with friends, bargain shopping/hunting with friends and actually bagging a bargain, and yeah, traveling to a new city.

Ignorance is bliss?

As I reached my workplace my cell phone signalled a new sms. Attending it was the least of all my concerns though as I was greeted by some office confusion and gnashed my teeth at a few people’s impudence. I should have saved teeth gnashing for later, as turned out. There were two sms’es. One from my brother and sister each while another brother had miscalled a good three times. I don’t pick up the phone while traveling. Turns out there was a bomb blast near the PIDC, right in front of KFC at about half past eight this morning. As I am the last to leave home for work, my siblings were concerned; at times I do take that route. It reminded me of another time when the New Zealand team was in Karachi for a cricket series and a bomb blast in Sheraton, where the national and guest teams were staying, blasted game plans in the city. I was enroute to work and only on reaching office did I learn the cause for all that security and chaos at the PIDC/Sheraton area. This KFC was the same where a friend and I used to walk to for lunches. I should have saved my teeth gnashing as a reaction to this blast. It makes me mad. It would make anyone mad. I would like to kill the perpetrators of this heinous act, if those bastards haven’t already got themselves killed in their myopic quest for Heaven. How could Allah let such fools enter Heaven? I surely don’t look forward to such company after death. Abdul Halim Sharar wrote Arsh e Bareen and I wonder if it was not about our times?

Aftermath

The other day when I posted the news on earthquake in Islamabad, I had sketchy information. It was some fifteen minutes past nine when i first learnt of the 7.6 tremors and the collapse of a building in Islamabad. Logging onto newsites, most reports were focussing on the devastation in Kashmir, Islamabad/R.Pindi and some of that information i started putting up in comments.
At that time all media had on hands was information from the capital and from the media's point of view, the collapsed Margalla Towers made great footage, any experts that they called in were from the Met office whoe went on about the kinds of quakes and its magnitude this time round.
and then reports started coming in and i went in a freeze.
if i thought islamabad was badly hit, it was nothing compared to waht happened up north.
I have an album from my trip with Uni to the Northern Areas in the summer 0f 2000. We went to Balakot, the same hamlet where 400 school children died. and that too was nothing. We were stopped on the trecherous mountain raods by random landslides, trapped on raod for more than six hours. the FWO was quick, they had dyanamite to blow up the landsliding. and that took six hours. the northern areas of Pakistan are essentially cut off from the country. just one road snakes through the mountain ranges. waht would be the speed of relief operations reaching the place is a disturbing thought. at least the nation has woken up and is responding to aid pleas.
and so is teh world chipping in. Its disturbing TV and newspapers. Mom's so upset that we are thinking of banning her from watching any more TV.
What's happened has happened. What is important is the rescue and rehabilitation work.
And prayers. Humans have an amazing coping up mechanism. if rescue teams can reach in time, those buried under the rubble can still come out live.
i have to stop thinking on what has happened and work on what can be done.
and pray that money raking bastards who remain so irrespective of what hits their cities/villages refrain from their activities for just a while. those profiteers...i am not even sure of what kind of help is needed. Monetary? try paying a mother who's lost all her kids in the school collapse. food packets? clothes? medicines? I just wish I were a doctor or even strong enough to fly up north and do my bit. life sitting here and paying token lip service sucks.

Earthquake in Islamabad

Scaree news to start the day.
News of a 7.6 magnitude earthquake in Islamabad and Rawalpindi.
Extending to New Delhi in India, Sri Nagar in Kashmir, Peshawar and Lahore in Pakistan.
Listening to Geo Tv's audio streaming on the web I wonder and pray for the safety of everyone.
experts say it could have been and would be better if its a defocussed quake, with major seismic activity deep underground and few tremors reaching up, thus lessening chances of damage and casualties.
Reports also say that people are in a panic and out of their homes since morning.
With no access to TV and without actual footage of the happenings I am quite worked up too.
At teh same time I wonder if all this makes for such good TV, would the media cash in on the panic, as is their wont and whip up a quake frenzy? Exaggerate?
Please pray for Saadat and Ajmal Sb. And everyone else.

Updates in comments and updated pic at 12:15 pm.

Vanity check

Cocktails at Ajmal Sb's place:
This is me, plain and simple:

How to make an A
Ingredients:
1 part competetiveness
3 parts courage
1 part leadership
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of fitness.

With frills and fancies, erm, all caps as initials are to be:

How to make an A
Ingredients:
3 parts mercy
3 parts crazyiness
5 parts beauty
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Serve with a slice of emotion and a pinch of salt. Yum!

I can't decide which one to disagree more with!
And yes, nothing better that I could come up with either.

This was better and, erm, truer:

A may explode without warning

M EXPLOSIVE

The University of Blogging Presents to A An Honorary Bachelor of Cutting Majoring in Self Portraiture Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Alright then, I check in vanity today evening.

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

One day at work

*ring ring*
Hello
Hello, I am calling from *****, can you advice me what BMW series is latest in the market and I should buy?
Huh?
I mean would be worth spending all that money? Are parts readily available, what about maintenance and car specifications and all.
Oh, I see. Sir, how many wives do you have?
Excuse me?
Well, you see, BMW has a new notice out after Swaziland's King Mswati III invested in 10 new 5 series for his wives. BMW now stands for Beamers for Multiple Wives. So, the new policy dictates that only men who have more than two wives can now buy a BMW.
What? Is it BMW’s Karachi office?
*grin* Errr, no.
*click*

“Neoliberal democracy, with its notion of the market uber alles…instead of citizens, it produces consumers. Instead of communities, it produces shopping malls. The net result is an atomized society of disengaged individuals who feel demoralized and socially powerless.”

~ Robert W. McChesney, Introduction for Naom Chomsky’s Profit Over People

Imports to Latin America are heavily skewed towards consumption for the rich…the wealthy are generally exempt from social obligations, including taxes…The problem of Latin America is not ‘populism’…but ‘subjection of the state to the rich.’

My reading list these days:
From Beirut to Jerusalem, Dr. Ang Swee Chai
Che Guevera, Eric Luther with Ted Henken
Profit Over People, Naom Chomsky
The Economist’s Pocket World in Figures 2005

Everyday I face a barrage of gigantic billboards, trying to get my investment in world class residential projects, flashy cars, jazzed up home entertainment systems, latest communicating gizmos; trying to entice me into walking into their swanky outlets with promises of amazing sales and discounts, and mouth watering food.
Lowering my gaze, more to the ground, I see a huge mass of people sweating in the blazing sun, waiting for their route buses, little children running about barefoot on infernal tarmac.
A petrol station sports a spiffy billboard on how 88% of its customers found that their particular brand of petrol gives more mileage. And right across the road I see a teeming mass of ailing humanity stirring up on their tattered chadars on the pavement that served as their beds for the night. Entire families marking out their spaces. Some have not bothered with even a chadar.
This is Pakistan, with a growth rate of 8% that allows Pakistan and its people to raise their standard of living and improve the quality of life, something already beginning to happen.

With this growth rate, the per capita income will rise and people will spend more and that will create more momentum in the economy, Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz noted. "This buoyancy in economy is sustainable and will provide a base for even higher growth in the years to come."

I reach my workplace, switch on the aircon, answer a phone call that, grins aside, gets me thinking, run a google search on some words for old news items I remember having read , to see if all these months have been enough for the good effects to have permeated downwards in the society, and type out this blog. About time I paid lip service. Best that I can do.

On another note, Altaf Hussain turned 52 today. I just hope he starts acting like a sensible 7 year old, his real mental age.

(S)he died while (s)he was living...

At times I marvel at my own ability to live through it all; is it all worth the while? Or is it just whiling away awhile? Why bother? And then again, why not bother? Is it worth the bother, then? How much? How less? And why?

Questions, all unanswered. Tasks all undone. Time racing by and yet stagnating, suffocating in its slow pace. What is time? Does it limit me? Threaten me? Is there a deadline? Who set it for me? It wasn't me, was it?

A blank wall before me, painted ugly messages. I bang my head against it?

Past is a way out from the present mire? Is past not glossed over for just the good times? Was there no bad bout in the past? Would today be looked over as good tomorrow? Is is getting worse by the day, by the hour and second? Is there no future to look forward to? Are dreams to be abandoned? Is it a nightmare or am I living it all? Where am I? What am I upto? What is it all about? And worth it all? Really? What is reality? And what is that I want? Really? What is that I have missed? What is that I now regret? Worth a pine? Did I live through it? How? Will I live through this? Really? Will I live through that? Why?

Honestly, I don't know. But should I?

All I am certain of is my own uncertainty. And that it is not that time of the month for me to get in this mood.

Everything and anything and nothing bothers me. Why should it? Do I really know? Or care?

I just live. And marvel at how I do it.

Blasts from the past

I been cheating.
I started blgging in 2002. December 2002 actually. and have deleted this blog twice since. changed blogger name at least 4 times and changed templates a whole 6 times, that is not mentioning the minute tinkerings I carry out on a regular basis.
'Neways. Yesterday I was going through my 'soft' clutter and came across a CD that housed Version 1 of the blog. So I thought it might be a good idea if i gleaned and put up some old, antiquated entries...it makes for such a good study of my blogging and thinking patterns that when paranoia sinks in, I delete blogs. Not this time, figured out an other way. perhaps.
'Tis a shame I could not figure out a way to the interesting comments i had gathered at the time too.
and Blog Day tag was a previous post. Perhaps I should change back blogger display settings.